About Roberto

Roberto Milani Life Coach in LondonHi, my name is Roberto and I’m a Life Coach in London.  I help people like you overcome the effects of stress, anxiety & emotional trauma through a unique transformational process that I’ve created over the last 7 years.

Throughout most of my life I had always had the feeling of separateness, never really feeling a part of anything or anyone including myself. I put this down to being an only child in a very disfunctional family in which drama and anger were the norm and therefore the two main ways I learnt to interact.

As a child this sense of isolation contributed to a life of wanting to be loved and always seeking attention even if at times it was the wrong attention, but this constant sense of disconnection with myself and the world around me developed into a huge sense of emptiness which I spent most of my life either trying to fill with friends, relationships, holidays, material wealth and success through the work environment or trying to numb through drugs and alcohol. I thought that by keeping busy and achieving all the things that main stream society considered successful it would give me the acknowledgement I needed to feel better about myself and that in time this sense of void deep within me would go away. This wasn’t the case. Although I continued to hide behind a brave face, I felt increasingly disillusioned, lost and fearful and rather than share what I was experiencing I expressed it in the only two ways I knew how increased drama and ever increasing anger levels which led to depression and the loss of everything I had worked for; job, home and family.

I came to the conclusion that nothing external could fill this void, I could not distract myself from it, changing environment did not alter it, I just couldn’t escape it. Putting an end to it all did cross my mind at different stages of my life when I was at my lowest but my belief in the possibility of returning to repeat this all over again in another lifetime ruled this out.

My breakthrough came when I finally arrived at the realization that I had no other alternative but to give in to this feeling and that there was no separation between me and it, that all my efforts at trying to fill it with external things was my attempt at avoiding myself and that if the answer wasn’t to be found out there it had to be within me.

I embarked upon the most challenging and at times extremely painful journey of my life, that of self discovery. As far as knowing where to start or who to see it felt like feeling my way through the dark and it was a case of trial and error, but with the guidance and support of those therapists and spiritual teachers that did have an impact on me I became aware that if I wanted to understand myself I had to learn be totally honest and allow myself to feel vulnerable. It meant sometimes revisiting past trauma in order to move forward, admitting to the limiting beliefs about myself that restricted me, it meant taking responsibility for my actions, learning about acceptance and embracing all parts of myself. Above all it meant learning about forgiveness and letting go.

I gradually became aware that the more my anger diminished the less tension my body retained thus allowing me to feel softer and more at ease with myself and others. By learning to relax using tools such as breathing techniques and meditation, and experiencing that space within me rather than resisting it, made way for new energy to rise, for new ideas and creativity to flow. I finally made the connection that not only was this space that same sense of void I had been trying to avoid all my life but more importantly that this is the space in which true creative expression lies.

Once I had managed to reduce the volume of internal chatter through the practice of meditation and staying present in the moment I was able to see with greater clarity, for I found that it is in these moments of stillness when I was truly present in not thinking of the past or future that inspiration found me.

By connecting with my creativity, becoming familiar with it and respecting its rhythms has enabled me to recognize and develop my own creative voice and to trust it without being judgmental.

I have spent a lifetime trying to adapt or fit in, trying to find where exactly it feels like home only to discovery that I have been at home all the time. I would never have thought when I started upon this journey of self discovery that one day I would be looking back and actually feeling grateful for all my experiences particularly the most painful and most challenging of them as they have given me insight to my inner wisdom that allows me to navigate my way through life in the direction I need to go and not be distracted by “drama”.

Roberto Milani